As a curious little girl I recall many an enchanting moment peering up at my big brother as he taught me miraculous things. He first sparked my curiosity with music and taught me to find my voice by putting a microphone in my hand and teaching me to sing about spider webs. He showed me the many worlds of evil mushrooms, flying cats, the Triforce and street fighting all while staying in the safety of our home’s strong walls. I could sit and watch him destroy the bad guys and save the princess for hours. I liked that he let me sit nearby as I chit chattered away with my little girl thoughts.
I remember him introducing me to black birds that could count and sing, and how I could listen to their melodies and poetic words for years to come. He also opened the door to thousands upon thousands of new lands as he encouraged me to read more challenging and thought-provoking books. I learned about talking hedgehogs and frightening men with blue beards, as well as the sorrow of the poor, the lonely, and the forgotten and how to avoid all the phonies. When I found out what his favorite books were, I instantly said they were my favorite too. Sometimes when I think of those books and wonder why I actually love them so, it still seems that the top reason is because he does too.
I remember feeling sad when he left for two years, and pondered in my little 4th grade brain that I had the best excuse whenever I needed a good "sad day." Surely the world would understand mourning the lost presence of a big brother.When he returned I felt joyous, and yet something was different. He had grown up and so had I.
There was no longer much time to play with the misleading cat and the tardy rabbit. It was time to talk of other things. There was a time when I mourned for the loss of that enchanting world, and I yearned for the days of our past. But now the sun is rising on a new day.
At this time in our lives we are given a great gift that all of those years of older brother protection and little sister adoration laid a foundation for. Although there will always be things he can teach me, now I have my own experiences to share. We can learn about new things together, and talk about our adventures of precious little hands and feet that make their way into his family and into mine. We can swap survivor stories and laugh about the many different types of trouble little ones can create.
Of course there will always be those moments where I'll peer up at him again, needing his magic, his hope, his ideas. I appreciate knowing that he'll be there and ready to help me remember the days where it was a small world after all, and we didn't care.
Happy birthday big brother.
These days of looking back always leave me with wet eyes and a semi aching heart, because really you just kill me and I love you so.