Date Night Ideas and Tips

Guys! I love Date Night!  And having Valentine's Day this week really has strengthening marriages on my mind. ❤️

Getting that precious time, one on one, to talk about adult things and to reconnect and have fun together is so important! Kyler and I are the biggest believers in making your marriage as strong and awesome as possible, and regular date nights absolutely help with that.

We definitely understand how hard it can be to make them happen though, especially if you have tight finances or young children at home, but don't give up hope! Date nights are still possible, even in those situations! 

So, here is a list of some of our favorite date nights that we've done in the past, split up into several different financial/situational categories to apply to the different stage of life you may be in. I've also got some advice and tips through out and at the end for how to get the most out of your date nights and how to make them as regular as possible. :) We definitely aren't perfect in our marriage (like, not even close 😂) but we do love date nights and have felt a huge benefit within our relationship when we prioritize them! I'd love to hear your date night ideas and tips as well so comment at the end if you have any! :) 

Free or Cheap Date Nights

- Go play at the park! Sounds silly, but the playground can be pretty dang fun with the love of your life  

Cheesey, yes, but I love this picture all the same :)  

- Grab a camera and take "couple pictures" with the timer setting. Call us crazy but doing this has been one of our favorite date nights because we have fun thinking of good and dorky poses and just goofing off together :)  

- Get some ice cream! Even just getting out of the house for an hour or two for a small little ice cream cone and some good conversation can make all the difference in your relationship 

- Go thrifting! (Pretending that's a word if it's not🙊) Somehow we end up at DI (a thrift store in Utah) at the end of at least half of our dates ha! We love finding good deals and if you check regularly enough you can find some pretty neat stuff. :)

- If tight on money, eat dinner at home and then go out to a nicer place just for dessert! Still feels like you went out but you only had to pay for the cheaper part of the evening! 

Hello windy night ha ha  

- (if LDS) Go the temple together! ❤️ 

- Go for a walk or hike in nature and watch the sunset together 

At Home Date Nights

 - Play board games! We have a lot of fun being teasingly (okay, sometimes seriously😅)  competitive with each other. 

- Have a fancy dinner date at your own kitchen table! Make a favorite meal or order take out, break out the fine china, light some candles and dress up all fancy. 

- Ask each other questions about your childhood, time during school, favorite memories while growing up etc. Kyler and I talk about pretty much everything and it always amazes me that we still have so much new information to share with each other. I once heard that you should seek an education in your spouse. Example- maybe when you are married you have a high school diploma or maybe even an associates degree in regard to how well you know each other- well keep continuing the education! Keep learning and growing and get as many "degrees" in each other as you can. :) 

- Watch a show or movie together. Now this one I share with caution though. I personally don't think that Netflix and Redbox should be your date night every week. It becomes really easy, especially as young parents with babies who go to bed early, to just go on auto pilot and watch a ton of TV and to never actually talk to each other or deepen your relationship with one another because you're tired and you just want to zone out. I get it! As a woman who needs 9 hours of sleep at night to be a happy human (and who rarely gets that amount every night because #pregnancyinsomnia,) I really get it! But I've learned that marriages don't stay at one level all the time. They are constant work. 😬 I often think of the analogy of marriage as an escalator heading downwards and that we are walking upwards with our spouse. If you stop putting effort into your relationship by no longer taking steps upward (symbolizing effort and progress) and just do whatever is easiest all of the time, your awesome marriage won't stay awesome! Your relationship will start to lower on the escalator. Although movies and TV shows can be a really fun way to bond with each other, I highly suggest you don't let that be the only way you bond. And while watching, I suggest you put away your phones, cuddle right up next to each other or hold hands and make sure you really CONNECT. Don't put your marriage into the hands of your television. :) When we were poor and in college we totally would watch movies together frequently, but I dare you to at least limit it to only one, maybe two weekends a month. Force yourself to get creative and avoid the easy idea every time! :) 

- If you have kiddos asleep, have one person go pick up dinner or some delicious special treat and eat it together on the porch on couch 

- If it's warm enough, lay out on a blanket in your backyard and look at the stars and talk together.  

-Make a list of meaningful songs you both love and spend time cuddling and listening to them together  

- Have a theme night! Dress up as a cowboy and girl, watch a western movie and order some KFC! Or wear kimonos, learn how to fold origami and watch The Karate Kid. I once decorated our house with candy and dressed up like Willy Wonka and we watched Charlie and the Chocolate factory 😂 This concept is fun because you can mix it up in a million different ways and it's just fun being ridiculous and goofy together! 

- Make a treat together: cookies, chocolate covered pretzels, some fancy cake you've never tried before etc 

Out on the Town Date Nights  

- The classic dinner and a movie  

- Try a new restaurant every time  

- Laser tag

- Play at an arcade  

-  Go buy a new outfit for each other 

- Check out a comedy show  

- Get tickets for local theater performances   

- Attend a concert  

- Do a seasonal activity like walking around Christmas lights, go sledding, attend an outside concert, go swimming, try snowboarding or skiing, go to a Pumpkin Patch, walk around a park with all of the new flowers blooming, play on the sidewalk with chalk etc 

 - Go to a foreign market and buy a bunch of different types of candies and treats and do a taste night! 

Random Tips  

-If money is so scarce and there is no room in the budget at all for baby sitters, try doing a date night swap with other couples that have kids! Take turns babysitting for one another so the other couple can have a kid free night.  

One of the best triple date nights ever!  

- Double dates can be so fun, but make sure you're still getting one on one date nights most of the time! You are strengthening the relationship of the people you are spending time with, so if you are on a double date you are strengthening your relationship most with the other couple right? And that's not bad at all! But make sure you still get that time in that is 100% focused on just you and your spouse, because that prioritized time alone is what makes strong marriages! But also, occasional double (or triple) dates can be a super fun way to mix things up and create fun memories with friends! ❤️

- Set a monthly Babysitter and Date night budget! When life got busier for us with Kyler's job and church responsibilities, we decided to make Date Nights with a babysitter a top priority so our marriage wouldn't get lost amongst the chaos. We decided on a set amount to put in each budget (and we do cash budgets where we literally get cash out and put it in envelopes) and if there is any left over at the end of the month, we roll it over to the next month! By budgeting for it, it's made it 100% easier to get Date Nights in! We're also lucky to live in a neighborhood with a lot of cute, responsible teenage girls we can hire as cheaper sitters so that's been super lucky for us as well! I love the monthly cash budget concept for this though because you could put aside as little as $5 a month for each budget and save it up and go out once it's big enough for something you two want to do. (Or even just save all of your pocket change and see how quickly you can build it up for a night out!) No matter the amount you set, it's just nice knowing you have a date night coming up. And if it's budgeted for you don't have to worry that a date night will blow all your money either! Win win! 

- Don't be afraid to get vulnerable on date night! Some of our best talks about how our relationship is doing have been over dinner or in our car eating a treat together. Dates are meant to strengthen our marriages, not solely to have fun (although that's definitely a plus!) Ask each other if you are truly happy. Talk about how needs are being met (or not.) If you'd prefer not to have serious conversations during a date night, set aside a time to have these talks regularly. I've been so grateful for these deep, meaningful talks Kyler and I have shared together and I think they've always made our bond stronger. They can be uncomfortable at first and sometimes we just want to avoid any issues or sweep them under the rug, but the closeness you feel in your marriage as you bridge those gaps is irreplaceble! (We're totally not perfect at this, but we're trying to get in a lot of practice with our communication so that maybe one day we will be! Ha ha!) 

- Before marriage, I was always told to make sure my date and I had a plan before going out. I think that was smart advice for that time of my life, but in marriage I think the most important thing you can do is just GET OUT and make Date night happen. If you get a sitter and you pull away from the driveway and say "okay.. now what?" kudos to you for taking the first step and just making the date even possible! Start out with dinner and then you can decide what to do from there. I mean, yes, planned dates are also awesome and I highly suggest those. All I'm saying is don't let the lack of a plan or some huge exciting activity stop you from even trying. Some of our best date nights have begun without a plan! Just get out of the house and celebrate that freedom and alone time together! 

- When in doubt, remember that the goal of date night is to strengthen your relationship with one another! If the date night isn't doing that, it's not a date night.

Apparently we take 9 million close up selfies like this on our dates 😂 

I hope this was helpful for some of you! :) Marriage can be so hard but it can also be such a blast, and I know regular date nights have helped keep our relationship positive and close despite the craziness that life brings! Any other awesome tips or ideas we're missing out on? Tell me below! ❤️👇🏻 

Dating & Marriage: Good, Better, Best, but regardless it's a Choice

I had a friend once ask me how to find the right man for her. I shared with her a theory I had developed from my own dating days when I noticed a pattern in my life and in the lives of my friends. Keep in mind that these are just my observations, and I’d love to hear your thoughts and experiences in the comments. I can’t help but   think there is at least a nugget of truth here. 

This is based on a post I wrote about a year ago on a private blog I had. I kept feeling like I needed to get it out there again! 

For starters, I personally don’t believe that there is a “one and only” for each of us to fall in love with. What if your “one” marries someone else, or they die, or leave the country or whatever else might happen… does that mean you have to settle or go without love for the rest of your life? I just can’t believe God would give us only one option. I think there are many, many options.

I think the many different kinds of people with whom we could fall in love can be divided into 3 separate categories. To borrow a phrase from Dallin H. Oaks, there are those that are good, those that are better, and those that are best for us. I should mention that I don’t think these categories are permanent—if somebody meets or marries someone that is only “good” for them, by working consistently and unitedly together, every single couple can transition from “good” to “better” and eventually move into the “best” category.

Here it goes:

Those that are Good: When I think of this category, I picture it as the one with the most options. For the sake of this discussion, lets say that each person in the dating scene meets 20-50 people in this category each year, meaning that people who are “good” for us are a dime a dozen. You don’t have to work as hard to find them. There is probably a physical attraction that sparked your interest, and you have fun together. However, the relationship does little to challenge you or provide you with stability and happiness. There may be frequent negative disagreements and a lack of change and growth in the relationship. You might fight about silly, menial things all the time, thereby leaving little to no opportunity for real personal growth and relational depth. If you are with someone who is good for you, you may live with them and love them for the rest of your life, but you have to work your guts out to make it work and to stay together, and there is always a certain level of conflict. However, it can be done.

Those that are Better: This category has fewer people, maybe those actively dating meet 10 to 20 of these people each year, meaning it might be a little harder to find someone who is better than good. This type of relationship provides more than just physical attraction. You are more likely to have similar goals and values. You have a lot in common and get along pretty well. However, there is a lot of comfort in the relationship. That’s not necessarily bad, but I have found that a vibrant and successful romantic relationship requires a certain level of stretching—growth that both individuals go through in order to learn difficult life lessons while becoming even closer to each other. This type of relationship is definitely better than a good relationship, but it can still leave one lacking in important character building opportunities. When in a “better” relationship, it might be easy to coast, or stick with the same routines and do the easy kind of stuff in life together. No one in the relationship really tries to stretch or grow. This isn’t terrible, but it isn’t necessarily awesome for relationships either. However, you don’t fight over silly things too frequently, and you still learn and grow, but you might move at a slower pace in learning these life lessons or never learn some of the most meaningful ones.

Those that are Best: The people in this category are the most difficult to find, requiring those in the dating scene to search with purpose and to become the kind of person that they want to find. Those that are earnestly and intentionally looking might meet one or two of these people each year that they could fall in love with. It’s much more difficult to find someone in the best category. This kind of relationship is where you and your spouse/significant other are very much in sync. You have the same types of personal goals and values, and actively strive to make couple goals in order to learn and grow together. These are the relationships that stretch us and really make us grow. The statement “they make me want to be a better person” applies here, but it isn’t cliché because it is 100% truthful and applies to every single day you are together, especially because they DO make you a better person. This is a relationship where you are able to lift one another and then turn around and lift those around you together. In this relationship the basic issues and spats that couples may have don’t even get in the way. Of course they are still present, but both people in the relationship are actively working on fixing them so that their love constantly deepens and the relationship is revitalized. The best relationships have two people who are willing to work hard to stay humble, be mature, and act selflessly in order to make the relationship as strong and blissfully happy as can be. By entering the relationship at this level, they are able to progress faster and do a lot of good in the world because they know how to quickly resolve the inevitable challenges of home-life and use them to grow closer together. Of course problems arise, but they don’t cause huge dramatic issues that can lead to long-term emotional suffering.

These categories don’t have really clear divisions, and I realize that it takes practice and patience to find somebody that is in the best category for each person. I think realizing that we can fall in love with a whole range of people is helpful in the uncertainty that comes from being single and on the lookout. Don’t sell yourself short, try and find someone in the best category! But also, don’t be too picky and think that no one is good enough. It’s a delicate balance. When choosing who to spend the rest of your life with, be wise.

The whole approach to the romantic relationship changes once you are married. Once you have committed yourself to one person, it no longer matters what category your dating relationship was in. You made your choice because you loved the person and knew you wanted to spend the rest of your life with them. Therefore, choose every day to make your marriage a “best” marriage. You know the person you chose very well (hopefully!). For the most part, you knew their flaws beforehand. You chose to give your life to them. You chose to make them a permanent part of yours. Therefore, choose every day to make it the best possible marriage it can be.

When Kyler and I got married, we were so excited to begin our life together. People we loved, respected, and looked up to, helped us see that every single day of our married life, we would have to wake up and choose to make our marriage awesome. We were also a little bit surprised by a few pieces of advice we got from others. “Oh just wait, in a year you’ll hate each other.” or “You’ll have fun for a few months but then you’ll just want to scream and yell at him, in fact, you probably will.” “Marriage is so much work, kiss those care free days good bye.”

Since both Kyler and I have strong personalities, those comments started us on a mission. They united us in a feeling that we had something to prove. We were determined not to dread the hard work of marriage. We both felt committed to fight to make our marriage amazing not for just one year, but forever.

We certainly don’t do this perfectly. Kyler and I are two imperfect people who are often impatient and who often get frustrated. Sure, we don’t scream and yell at each other, but we have had our fair share of tense moments and lively disagreements. But in the end, our imperfections make us stronger. Where one of us is weak, the other is strong, and can pull the other back up to remember the goal. We try to remind ourselves often that we want this marriage to do better than simply last. We want it to be the best marriage ever.

Life is full of one hundred million little choices. Sure, marriages are hard work, but that does not mean that we have to fall into lazy and damaging habits when it gets hard. It’s a choice to yell. It’s a choice to be selfish. It’s a choice to give up. Yes, marriage can be very hard. You have to work at it every day. You are in charge of doing your best to add to another individual’s happiness and that can be very trying at times. You have to sacrifice, and be humbled, and remember what is most important. But you can do it. You can choose to do it. 

Sometimes you might slip and yell, or you might realize that you’ve been acting immaturely or unfairly to your spouse. That’s okay. The goal is to make those mistakes smaller and less frequent. Good thing you can choose the next day to start over and work harder!

So, if you are still on the dating scene, choose carefully who you will date. Is it someone who is simply good for you? Maybe someone who is better? Or is there a best out there? Don’t be overly picky, but for goodness sake, it’s the rest of your life, so choose wisely. :) Most importantly, once you are married (or if you already are), choose every day to love your choice and to make it the best ever. We can’t take decisions back, but we can choose every day to change our situation.

No matter what happens, don’t forget that you have the power. It’s a choice.