It's funny, 25 kinda feels like a big deal and yet not at the same time! It's still so young in the grand scheme of things but I do feel like I've had some pretty solid experiences over the years that have really helped me grow and figure out who I'm supposed to be in this big ol crazy world! All week long I've been thinking about some things I've learned about myself and I thought I'd jot them down so I could remember them. :)
1- Surprisingly, Motherhood suits me
I once posted on Instagram about how I used to be so afraid to be a mom. I was never good with kids growing up, or at least I didn't know how to act around them. I lived in an older neighborhood so there weren't many kids around and my younger brother and I were only 2 years apart so I didn't have much experience being around little ones. I just always felt uncomfortable or awkward in their presence and I didn't know how to act. Babysitting was not something I enjoyed but I felt stuck and scared because I knew I'd like to be a mom, I just didn't know if I would ever be able to actually DO it. Well, crazily enough, here I am years later with my two babies and I love it! Im actually DOING it and although I'm far from perfect, I still know that overall, I'm doing a good job. I love being a mom. I have a lot to learn but I'm pretty excited that something that seemed impossible for so long has actually turned out to be so good. :)
2- I'm going to write a book one day
All my life while growing up, I was constantly writing stories. Little short ones or chapter books, I was constantly creating little fictitious tales and sharing them with my friends and family. I had always thrived in English classes all throughout school and ended up taking a creative writing class where I really felt empowered to use the written word for a meaningful expressive outlet. When Kyler and I were first married, I started writing a book after a dream I had had. I probably got about half way with it and then, unfortunately, lost steam. I was distracted with school and work and then having kids. But I kept writing in my journal, on this blog, in emails to friends and family and I found ways to keep practicing my writing. Then, while we were in France I began to feel that itch again to write a book. I came home with so many ideas on a story that I felt really good about. It's been so slow but I'm actually getting somewhere with it, and even though this current book may just be a practice one like the last one (or not, who knows!) what I've learned from it so far is that I WILL one day write and publish a book! (Even if it takes me 50 years :) ) It's brimming within me and the desire is constantly there. If I can stay focused, I know I can do it! It's been fun to feel that motivation and urge within me again.
3. I've learned many new skills
Knowing how to travel in different countries (Paraguay, Argentina, France and hopefully many more in the following years), doing remodeling jobs (drywall, insulation, painting, tiling, grouting, and pressure washing) and filing taxes are things I never ever thought I'd be able to say I could do! In the big scheme of things these are little teeny tiny accomplishments but it feels pretty cool to have learn new skills that have helped me accomplish goals that I have! I'm pretty excited to keep trying new things and learning from them. It can be terrifying but the reward is always so great!
4- I've fallen in love with literature again
Once I had Henry it became so hard to read books and I'd be lying if I said that technology didn't also get in the way of my reading habits. I used to read so many books while growing up- even while blow drying my hair when I was getting ready for grade school! I could never get enough. Then I got so distracted with life and children that I forgot how much joy books brought me. I recently heard about an app called Overdrive that allows you to access library books online and it has changed my world for the last 6 months! I have read so many marvelous books for the first time and have reread so many of my favorites. I've probably steadily read 2-3 books each week since I found the app and I have loved it- my mind has felt so refreshed and alive and I just thirst after it. Books are such magic! I love how they open my mind, teach me miraculous and meaningful lessons and cause me to feel such powerful emotions. I'm determined to never become distracted from reading ever again.
5- I've learned a lot about what I need and what I don't
It's funny - I'm a social chatter box and can definitely handle being in the spotlight at times but I'm also very aware of when I've had too much social time. It starts to wear on me and I stop enjoying myself. It doesn't mean I don't love who I'm with, but if it's too often I've found it drains me instead of lifts me, and then I have nothing left to give my husband and kids (or myself!) until I have had time to refill. I would get so down on myself in the past because I'd see other moms getting out frequently throughout the week and I just couldn't figure out why they could handle the stress of it (and even seemed to love it!) when doing it myself exhausted me and made me grouchy. I tried to make the effort and tried many different ways to avoid the burnout feeling. I tried to turn it into a positive habit again and again until it burnt me right out- burnt me to a crisp I tell you! I finally realized that we as women and moms all need different things! Some women need and thrive off of that daily adult interaction and that's great for them! I found out that I need to pace myself a little more inorder to feel happy and at peace with life. And that's been great for me. :) Letting go of those unrealistic expectations and comparisons I had for myself has been awesome and I feel so much happier.
I'm excited to see what 25 will bring for me! I love this life! I love my husband and kids and I love the gospel of Jesus Christ! Although times can be hard and I might get confused or distracted from what is most important, I'm excited for what the future holds for me, and I'm excited to keep learning and growing. Peace out 24- you've been just lovely. :)
